Monday, July 2, 2012

Another Reason I Love The Internet

I'm consistently amazed by the internet.  It's so powerful and easy to use that it's made just about everything offline obsolete...maps, photo albums, encyclopedias, phone books, letters...who uses these things anymore?  Well, maybe old people who fear and loathe technology, but it's only a matter of time before the internet completely takes over the world.

One of the other great things about the internet is that you can find the answer to just about any question.  And that includes the questions that are too politically incorrect to ask the easily-offended people who might be nearby.  Let me give an example.  I've spent the better part of the past six months changing the radio station to avoid listening to Adele's music.  I can't deny that she has a great voice, but I personally can't stand her music and have found that her songs are ridiculously overplayed.

I'm sure Adele has been on TV a lot in the past year, but I haven't cared enough to pay attention to what she looks like.  But the other day I finally saw a picture or video clip of her somewhere, and I was shocked.  It looked the Michelin Man was belting out "Someone Like You."

I was curious how much Adele weighed.  Two bills?  Maybe two and a half?  That's the kind of thing that you can't find even on Wikipedia, which is too professional and politically correct to include any mention of her weight.  (It does include her age, and to my surprise, she's only twenty-four.  I thought she looked like a middle-aged opera singer.)  But if I thought to ask the question, surely someone else was wondering the same thing. And with the internet at my fingertips, it wouldn't take me long to find the answer.

Yahoo Answers quickly came to the rescue.  Five months ago, someone else shared my same curiosity and posted the question.  Skimming through the various responses from the past few months provides a classic example of the hilarity that ensues when people are able to post anonymously on an online message board.  On one side, you have the overly sensitive types (probably the larger women), who scold the person for even asking the question and who become even more enraged by posters from the other end of the spectrum who fill the message board with sarcastic comments and fat jokes.

Here are some sample posts from the politically correct crowd:
  • Who cares, she has an amazing voice!
  • She is beautiful, get over it.
  • Who gives a &*@# she is an amazing singer.  Do you have four Grammy's?
  • None of your business.

And here's a smattering from the other end of the spectrum:
  • More than you and me combined.
  • 286 lbs (I think this estimate was a joke, but who knows for sure)
  • More than you can handle.
  • 300 lbs (I'm a little more certain this guess was a joke)

Of all the replies to that original question, one hybrid response was my favorite.  It started out sounding like a whiny complaint about how it's what's on the inside that truly counts, but then finished with spectacular and hilarious twist.  The writer even cited a source for his response:

Adele has an amazing voice, and she should be contratulated on her Grammy wins.  Simply amazing.  It's too bad her great victory will be overshadowed by the rental cost of the Bobcat that was required to hoist her onto the stage.  Source(s): I have seen pictures of Adele.

In the end, I found a reasonable answer to my question on the message board.  Someone posted that they'd read that Adele weighs 195 lbs.  I have no way of knowing if that's right, but it's pretty darn close to my guess of two bills, and it was enough to satisfy my curiosity.  Once again, the internet delivered.  I'm convinced that the answers to all the questions of the universe are out there, and if this little search was any indication, tracking down those answers can be a wildly entertaining way to spend a few minutes.  Thank you, Al Gore.

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