Monday, April 16, 2012

Found: The Elusive Dream Job

As the deadlines approach and as the pressure and stress continue to ratchet up at work, I find myself daydreaming about what the perfect career might look like, if such a thing truly exists.  For me, that career would be outdoors, involve little responsibility, and require minimal brainpower.  This weekend, I found it.  In fact, I drove right by it, and I even took a picture of it:

If you look closely, you'll notice that behind that giant K-Mart sign is a man holding up said K-Mart sign.  I think we found a winner!  Outdoors?  Check.  Minimal responsibility?  Just one: keep the sign upright--check.  Minimal brainpower?  If I can teach myself to sleep while standing up and balancing a sign on my shoulder, I could literally do this job in my long as the breeze behaves itself.

If I were able to secure my dream job, I'd certainly want to make sure that I could keep it--job security would become supremely important.  In the case of this particular sign-holding man, the future doesn't look so promising.  If you read the sign, he's advertising a store closing sale for a local K-Mart.  Looks like he'll be forced to take his sign-holding talents to another employer.  But I'm pretty sure those specialized skills are remarkably transferable--this man the epitome of the phrase "highly employable."

Unfortunately, there are a few drawbacks with gems like this one.  First of all, you have to make sure you're located in a warm climate with a lot of sunny days, as the job's dreaminess drops off sharply with low temperatures and precipitation.  And I've found, too, that there's an inverse relationship between a job's easiness and the risk of being replaced in that job.  In this case, unemployment is only as far away as the two swings of a hammer that it would take to drive that post into the ground, rendering the sign-holder useless.  But the reward is worth the risk, because today this man is outside, he's earning money, he's stress-free, and it's entirely possible that he's also asleep on the job at the same time.  Even if it's only temporary, that sounds like perfection to me...

P.S.: I know next to nothing about women, but for the men reading this blog, let me advise against taking advantage of the 55-75% off K-Mart store-closing jewelry sale advertised at the top of that sign.  If word ever gets out that you picked up jewelry for your special lady at a K-Mart--at a deep discount, no less--your relationship (and potentially your life) are in serious jeopardy.

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